1 00:00:03,717 --> 00:00:06,668 I understand this is your first professional massage? 2 00:00:06,754 --> 00:00:08,921 - That's right. Mm-hmm. - Okay. 3 00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,457 I want to make you aware of some things 4 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:11,816 that may or may not happen, 5 00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:14,393 but there's no need to feel embarrassed if they do. 6 00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:15,727 Okay. 7 00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,980 - Things such as crying. - Really? 8 00:00:18,065 --> 00:00:19,264 Mm, oh, yes. 9 00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,901 Massage can release pent-up emotions. 10 00:00:22,937 --> 00:00:26,855 Also, not uncommon is the release of gas. 11 00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:27,906 Like farting? 12 00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:29,858 That's right, like farting. 13 00:00:29,944 --> 00:00:32,111 - Also, erections. - Really? 14 00:00:32,196 --> 00:00:33,732 - Yeah. - I didn't know that. 15 00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:35,235 Let's get started. 16 00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:39,751 (crying) 17 00:00:39,787 --> 00:00:43,255 (farts) 18 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,124 Well, at least you didn't get a-- 19 00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:46,675 There it is. 20 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,761 (haunting Western music) 21 00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:52,556 22 00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:11,709 Sync and corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 23 00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:13,652 So what's the craziest biblical name? 24 00:01:13,737 --> 00:01:16,989 One of the best names in the Bible is Nimrod. 25 00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:18,540 Don't think that didn't come from the Bible. 26 00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:20,159 And what, is that the character that just, 27 00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:22,327 - like, fucked up? - No, you know what? 28 00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:25,797 Nimrod, Nimrod is-- 29 00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,332 Nimrod is a mighty warrior. 30 00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:29,406 There's a high school basketball team in Northern Michigan 31 00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:30,586 called the Nimrods. 32 00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:33,005 Can you imagine having to be like, 33 00:01:33,057 --> 00:01:35,924 "Who a Nimrod? We Nimrods!" 34 00:01:38,479 --> 00:01:41,313 (muffled shouting) 35 00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:57,162 Here we come, son. Here we come. 36 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,364 (shouting) Hut! 37 00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:02,501 (epic theatrical music) 38 00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:05,295 39 00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,063 (high-pitched tone) 40 00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:39,488 (whistle blowing) 41 00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:40,739 Man, you feeling all right? 42 00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:43,909 Yeah, I'm fine, man! 43 00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:46,245 Let's go, let's go! 44 00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,547 - Come on! - Let's go, man! 45 00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,415 Man, what are we doing out there? 46 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,918 What are we doing out there, huh? 47 00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:54,253 Because I don't know. 48 00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,804 No, seriously, what-- what are we doing? 49 00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,423 What-- What are we doing? 50 00:02:58,509 --> 00:02:59,925 - Playing football? - Okay, yeah. 51 00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:01,476 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 52 00:03:01,562 --> 00:03:04,680 that's it, man. Playing football, yeah? 53 00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:06,982 Yo, Eqqsquizitine. 54 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,401 You need to let the medics take a look at you, man. 55 00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,486 Dude, I'm all right, man. I'm fine. 56 00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:12,988 Shoot. 57 00:03:13,073 --> 00:03:14,523 I'm here, 58 00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,441 And I'm ready to do this, man. 59 00:03:16,477 --> 00:03:19,027 - All right. - What about you all, man? 60 00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:21,396 - Do you want this? - Yeah. 61 00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:22,678 - Yeah. - Do you want this? 62 00:03:22,731 --> 00:03:23,565 (all) Yeah. 63 00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,317 - Do you want this? - (all) Yeah! 64 00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:26,899 - Do you want this? - (all) Yeah! 65 00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:28,370 I mean, all you had to do was ask, man. 66 00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:29,871 There's plenty of apple pie to go around. 67 00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:31,156 You want some apple pie, brother? 68 00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:32,324 You want some apple pie, brother? 69 00:03:32,376 --> 00:03:33,959 Come on, man. Who want a slice? 70 00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:37,128 Yo, Eqqsquizitine, ain't no apple pie, man. 71 00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,663 - That's your helmet. - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 72 00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,049 Dog, dog, dog, maybe you should just sit out the next play. 73 00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:42,334 - Sit out the next play? - Yeah. 74 00:03:42,419 --> 00:03:43,458 Are you gonna sit out the next play? 75 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,034 Nah. 76 00:03:44,087 --> 00:03:45,109 You gonna sit out the next play? 77 00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:46,743 I didn't think so. I don't need 78 00:03:46,799 --> 00:03:48,306 to sit out the next play, and I'm gonna tell you why. 79 00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:49,758 'cause all y'all. 80 00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:51,560 'cause I know y'all got my back. 81 00:03:51,645 --> 00:03:53,678 Y'all know what I see when I look at you? 82 00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:55,730 I'ma tell you what I see. 83 00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:57,649 - Grown men... - Yeah, yeah. 84 00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,568 - Who look like giants... - Yeah. 85 00:03:59,653 --> 00:04:01,403 with really big shoulders... 86 00:04:01,488 --> 00:04:02,521 (all) Yeah! 87 00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:04,155 who are wearing short pants. 88 00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:05,740 What? 89 00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:09,160 And just right there, a few seconds of complete darkness, 90 00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:11,196 and then I saw some little floaty specks of light 91 00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:12,364 in the air, up like that. 92 00:04:12,449 --> 00:04:14,032 - Eqqsquizitine. - Who is that? 93 00:04:14,117 --> 00:04:15,583 Is that Cartoons Plural talking to me? 94 00:04:15,621 --> 00:04:16,251 Yeah! 95 00:04:16,336 --> 00:04:17,335 Cartoons Plural, where you at? 96 00:04:17,371 --> 00:04:18,537 - I'm here, man. - Oh, yes. 97 00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:21,673 You have a brain injury. 98 00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,209 You need to get some medical attention. 99 00:04:24,261 --> 00:04:26,011 I'm gonna tell you right now, Cartoon Plural, 100 00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:28,847 who needs some medical attention is the Cougars over there. 101 00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,098 - Dog, dog, dog. - What, what? 102 00:04:30,183 --> 00:04:32,434 - We're playing the Bruisers. - Right, okay. 103 00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:33,552 - Bruisers. - Okay. 104 00:04:33,637 --> 00:04:34,803 Listen, y'all. 105 00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:36,771 We need to remember who we are, okay? 106 00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,557 We're the team of Destiny this year. 107 00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:40,392 We're the team everybody talking about. 108 00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,727 We're the team everybody afraid of, man. 109 00:04:42,779 --> 00:04:44,229 We got to remember who we are. 110 00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:46,982 - Who are we? - Rhinos. 111 00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:49,367 - Who are we? 112 00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:50,952 (all) The Rhinos. 113 00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:52,370 - Who are we? - (all) Rhinos! 114 00:04:52,406 --> 00:04:54,573 - Who are we? - (all) Rhinos! 115 00:04:54,658 --> 00:04:56,374 - Who are we? - (all) Rhinos! 116 00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,076 - Who are we? - (all) Rhinos! 117 00:04:58,128 --> 00:05:01,296 - Are we the Rhinos? - (all) Rhinos! 118 00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,000 Oh, my God. 119 00:05:05,085 --> 00:05:07,636 Somebody stole our horns. 120 00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:11,640 - We got to find our horns, y'all. - Oh, fuck it. 121 00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:14,726 - Where the horns at? - What the fuck? 122 00:05:15,462 --> 00:05:16,594 (monitors beeping) 123 00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:19,257 Doctor Forrest, dial 118, please. 124 00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,842 Dr. Forrest, please dial 1-1-8. 125 00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:23,935 (sighs) 126 00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:28,406 - Don? - Yes, I'm here. 127 00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:32,556 Promise you'll never forget about me. 128 00:05:35,082 --> 00:05:36,157 Yes. 129 00:05:37,618 --> 00:05:39,618 Of course. 130 00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,788 Promise me you'll take care of our little girl. 131 00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:45,457 And love her. 132 00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:49,058 Yes, with all my heart. 133 00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:54,314 Promise me you'll stay strong for her. 134 00:05:55,719 --> 00:05:58,470 Yes, yes. 135 00:05:58,522 --> 00:06:02,774 I promise. 136 00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:05,304 And promise me you'll never sleep with another woman. 137 00:06:08,315 --> 00:06:12,091 (clicking) 138 00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,214 I hear you. 139 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,212 Promise me you'll take care of Mr. Big Fluffy Tail? 140 00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,575 Yes. 141 00:06:20,661 --> 00:06:22,377 Yes, yes, yes, done. 142 00:06:22,462 --> 00:06:26,246 That cat will be the most loved cat in the world. 143 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,166 And that you won't look at porn. 144 00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:35,340 - Ahh. - Huh? 145 00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:37,308 (speaking gibberish) 146 00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:38,810 Is that yes? 147 00:06:38,845 --> 00:06:40,777 Checky, checky, checky, checky, chickety, chickety, 148 00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,113 Chickety check. 149 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:44,099 No pornography. 150 00:06:44,184 --> 00:06:46,949 Buster Brown says what? 151 00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,405 Is that a yes? 152 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,492 Yo better believe 153 00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:55,827 I heard what you said, girl. 154 00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,028 You love me, right? 155 00:06:57,114 --> 00:06:59,531 Yes, I love you. Yes. 156 00:06:59,616 --> 00:07:00,946 And we're soul mates, right? 157 00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,917 Yes. 158 00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,537 So you will never, ever, 159 00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,403 ever think of someone else while masturbating, right? 160 00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:11,543 (as robot) Message received. 161 00:07:11,628 --> 00:07:13,178 I don't understand. Is that a yes? 162 00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,013 Yo comprende. 163 00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:16,264 Is that a promise? 164 00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:19,300 (goofy voice) Your request has been filed. 165 00:07:19,386 --> 00:07:22,303 Say you promise. 166 00:07:26,309 --> 00:07:30,145 Fuhgeddabouuuut, huh? 167 00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:31,896 Huh? 168 00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,545 - I need to hear you say it. - "It". 169 00:07:33,572 --> 00:07:34,315 I-- No, say, "I pro-- 170 00:07:34,401 --> 00:07:36,067 - "I promise." - You promise. 171 00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:39,521 You-- You promise. 172 00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:42,490 Say it. 173 00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:44,989 - Okay, "I promise." - No air quotes. 174 00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:48,814 Promises are things that mothers-- 175 00:07:48,852 --> 00:07:50,394 Say it, say it! 176 00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:54,085 I promise, I promise. 177 00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,336 What are you promising? 178 00:07:55,422 --> 00:07:57,422 I promise what you said. 179 00:07:57,507 --> 00:07:58,723 Fine, forget it. 180 00:07:58,759 --> 00:08:03,011 Yes. I mean, okay. 181 00:08:05,849 --> 00:08:08,408 Will you at least promise to go see my mom every day? 182 00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,971 So zero pornography? Done. 183 00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,822 I like that. 184 00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,240 Nurse? 185 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,492 Fix my wife! 186 00:08:18,277 --> 00:08:20,745 (crying) 187 00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:25,929 Don't touch me right now. I'm just-- 188 00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,044 I'm all about you... 189 00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:34,529 I got to go to the bathroom, like, like, right quick, though. 190 00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,850 Give me that-- give me that bottle, here. 191 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,033 I'm kidding. 192 00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:40,634 Do you know anybody who's done that? 193 00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:43,303 - Ever done that? - What, peed in a bottle? 194 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,938 - Yeah. - Probably. 195 00:08:44,974 --> 00:08:46,273 I have a family member, 196 00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,892 one time, who had some dysentery situations. 197 00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:50,477 - Oh, no. - And we were out 198 00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:53,397 in the middle-- like, in-- It looked like this. 199 00:08:53,482 --> 00:08:55,649 - And this person-- - He had dysentery out here? 200 00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:58,068 - Now, I didn't say it was a he. - Oh. 201 00:08:58,153 --> 00:09:00,787 I'm just saying a member of my family. 202 00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,072 This person had to go to the bathroom. 203 00:09:02,157 --> 00:09:03,624 We're out in the middle of the desert. 204 00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:06,240 We didn't have anything for this person to go to the bathroom in. 205 00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:09,920 Nigger, there was an empty... 206 00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:11,171 Country Crock. 207 00:09:11,256 --> 00:09:14,474 (laughing) Country Crock. 208 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,509 - Oh, no. - There was for real, 209 00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:19,262 in real life an empty Country Crock. 210 00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,014 This person left the car? They left the car? 211 00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,432 - They left the car. - But you were in the desert, 212 00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:24,100 so somebody could have just gone-- 213 00:09:24,152 --> 00:09:25,852 They didn't have to really. 214 00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:27,354 They didn't have to. 215 00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:30,824 - And then left it? - But it was so apropros. 216 00:09:30,909 --> 00:09:33,159 Come on, man. Country Crock? 217 00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:36,363 How could we not use that? 218 00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:39,332 Oh, shit, I'm gonna piss myself. 219 00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:42,869 Okay, so, okay, but check this out, okay? 220 00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:46,206 So this one time in college, man, I was straight kicking game 221 00:09:46,291 --> 00:09:48,124 to this beautiful chick, Diana, man? 222 00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:50,210 And the-- It's a house party, and so anyway, 223 00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:52,128 I go to the kitchen to grab us a couple of beers, man. 224 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,682 I kid you not, I slipped on a banana peel. 225 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,133 A banana peel. It was like this. 226 00:09:57,185 --> 00:10:02,055 I was like-- just fell on my ass. I just busted my ass. 227 00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:03,339 A banana peel? 228 00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,108 Like I was Buster Keaton or something. 229 00:10:05,143 --> 00:10:07,310 I was like-- Poo! 230 00:10:07,362 --> 00:10:08,895 (laughter) 231 00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:13,566 It's-- Uh-- 232 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,203 Yo-- Uo, dog, you good? 233 00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:19,651 Yeah, man, what are you doing? 234 00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:22,981 What, me? 235 00:10:24,997 --> 00:10:27,631 It was a funny story. I was laughing. 236 00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,023 Then let it out, man. 237 00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:32,135 Just-- Just laugh. 238 00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,887 I am. 239 00:10:33,972 --> 00:10:37,173 Yeah, so, anyway, you know, so I get up, right? 240 00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:38,508 And I go to grab a beer, 241 00:10:38,593 --> 00:10:40,176 And I forget they all was shooken up 242 00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,511 when they fell, right? 243 00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:45,231 I kid you not, this beer exploded in my crotch, 244 00:10:45,317 --> 00:10:46,942 and it looked like I peed myself. 245 00:10:47,071 --> 00:10:49,235 And now I'm trying to walk, but my pants... 246 00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:51,905 (laughter) 247 00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:54,357 Come on, what are we doing? 248 00:10:57,746 --> 00:10:59,529 - Don't hit-- - Don't hit my couch, Laron. 249 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,664 Keep your-- 250 00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:10,874 Come on, yo. I'm just laughing with y'all. 251 00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:14,044 Well, we were laughing. 252 00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:16,179 You weren't-- You didn't, you know, make any noise. 253 00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:20,100 You just opened your mouth, and you started jiggling. 254 00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:21,384 You looked like a worm on crack. 255 00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:22,886 Mm-hmm. 256 00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:27,390 I guess everybody just has their own unique laugh. 257 00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:29,225 Okay, man, you were not laughing. 258 00:11:29,277 --> 00:11:31,811 You were not emitting sound up out your mouth, man. 259 00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:33,613 Hey, I'm good. 260 00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,066 Tell your story. 261 00:11:36,118 --> 00:11:38,318 Thank you. Oka-- Anyway, 262 00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:42,238 I went back to the kitchen to get two fresh beers, 263 00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,624 and she said, "I hate beer, 264 00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:48,328 but where did my banana go?" 265 00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:49,546 And so then we called her 266 00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:54,334 Chiquita Diana. 267 00:11:54,419 --> 00:11:56,169 There he goes. 268 00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:57,804 Laron, don't back up. 269 00:11:57,889 --> 00:11:59,089 Hey. 270 00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:00,924 - Come on, man. - Cut it out, Laron. 271 00:12:00,976 --> 00:12:03,560 Hey, get away from the turtles. 272 00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:05,678 Laron, don't do this, just don't touch my tur-- 273 00:12:05,764 --> 00:12:07,480 Nigga, get away from it. 274 00:12:07,566 --> 00:12:10,934 Why you knocking down my CDs? What are you doing? 275 00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:13,269 Okay, you put a lampshade on your head? 276 00:12:13,355 --> 00:12:14,687 - Hey. - Come on. 277 00:12:14,773 --> 00:12:16,406 - Come on, those are priceless. - Okay, you know what? 278 00:12:16,441 --> 00:12:18,074 Now I say, like, you doing it intentionally, now. 279 00:12:18,110 --> 00:12:19,409 All right, see? That's not even-- You know, 280 00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:20,944 it's almost like you choreographed it. 281 00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:21,945 You're gonna clean all this up. 282 00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,413 Okay. 283 00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:25,526 Look, hey, if you're gonna laugh, then just laugh! 284 00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:28,005 Damn. 285 00:12:31,957 --> 00:12:34,446 Maybe sometimes 286 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,203 you ain't as funny as you think. 287 00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:39,718 All right. 288 00:12:39,857 --> 00:12:41,435 I got something that'll make you laugh. 289 00:12:42,368 --> 00:12:43,850 Huh? Bap, huh? 290 00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:45,769 - Yeah, just let it out. - There you go, Laron. 291 00:12:45,804 --> 00:12:47,008 - Yeah, that's funny. - That's it, man. 292 00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:48,161 Just let it-- Oh, no. 293 00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:49,851 - That's funny, huh? - There you go, man. 294 00:12:49,912 --> 00:12:51,660 - Oh! He going backwards. - Come on, buddy. 295 00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:54,694 Just laugh, man, just laugh. You know that's funny. 296 00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,062 - That's funny! - Why won't you laugh? 297 00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:57,814 - Come on, just let it out. - Just laugh, brother. 298 00:12:57,866 --> 00:12:59,365 - Come on, man. - It's a robot. 299 00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:03,153 - Oh, man, look, look, look. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, boop. Boop. 300 00:13:03,238 --> 00:13:05,054 - Let it out. - Boop. 301 00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:07,991 Let it out, let it out! 302 00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:09,709 (screeching roar) 303 00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,628 (all screaming) 304 00:13:11,663 --> 00:13:14,547 (roaring continues) 305 00:13:16,635 --> 00:13:18,384 (roaring stops) 306 00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,235 See, that's why I didn't want to laugh. 307 00:13:39,574 --> 00:13:41,423 Have a good life. 308 00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:54,003 Do you remember the first time that you had a, like-- 309 00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,202 Nocturnal emission? 310 00:13:55,257 --> 00:13:56,723 Or a, even a-- 311 00:13:56,759 --> 00:13:58,258 Okay, no, that's-- 312 00:13:58,344 --> 00:14:00,761 I was gonna say, like, a good, really good sandwich, 313 00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,430 but a nocturnal emission. 314 00:14:03,482 --> 00:14:04,865 A wet dream, let's go. 315 00:14:04,869 --> 00:14:07,317 Is that you were-- you were gonna say sandwich? 316 00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:09,262 Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, when was the last time-- 317 00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,572 the first time you had a really great sandwich? 318 00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:13,023 You talk about wet dreams. 319 00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:15,272 - No, wait a minute. - Do you remember the first time 320 00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:19,112 you had a wet dream about a sandwich? 321 00:14:19,198 --> 00:14:20,948 - 'cause I do. - 1987. 322 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,784 1987. 323 00:14:28,237 --> 00:14:31,341 Bravo, welcome. Welcome. 324 00:14:31,427 --> 00:14:32,580 Sit anywhere you like. Sit here. 325 00:14:32,604 --> 00:14:34,989 Sit here, in the other one. You want to sit right here. 326 00:14:36,045 --> 00:14:37,192 That's a good lady. 327 00:14:37,299 --> 00:14:38,392 Yes, all right. 328 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:39,559 First time? First time? 329 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:40,444 - First time? - Is the first time? 330 00:14:40,476 --> 00:14:41,442 First time? 331 00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:42,560 - First time? - First time for you? 332 00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:43,561 - First time? - Yes. 333 00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:44,946 All right! 334 00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:48,191 Dobro, dobro, good, all right. 335 00:14:48,277 --> 00:14:49,726 So what's good? 336 00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:51,194 Well, I tell you right-- 337 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,529 You have to have the kebapi. 338 00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:54,314 Kebapi is what you are going to have, okay? 339 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,867 Oh, don't they serve that in the cafe across the street? 340 00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:58,274 No! 341 00:14:58,327 --> 00:15:03,657 You cannot get the kebapi at the cafe across the street! 342 00:15:03,709 --> 00:15:06,866 (yelling in foreign language, pans clattering) 343 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,296 What? What did I say? 344 00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:11,919 Across the street is Albanian. 345 00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:15,919 This cafe, Macedonian. 346 00:15:17,396 --> 00:15:19,513 Macedonian. 347 00:15:25,347 --> 00:15:26,619 My friends, 348 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:31,182 I like to apologize for the behavior of my passion. 349 00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,932 I just feel bad in my brain for people to think 350 00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:39,109 that your mouths will have been raped by the food 351 00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:43,246 that they serving at this Albanian mother of bitches. 352 00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:47,751 This mother bitches, sons of my bitch across the street, 353 00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:51,129 What they be serving is ?evapi. 354 00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:55,259 And-- And what do you serve here? 355 00:15:55,294 --> 00:15:57,732 - We serve the kebapi. - Kebapi. 356 00:15:58,130 --> 00:15:59,763 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 357 00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,265 Kebapi. 358 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:05,385 - Kebapi. - Ke...Ba...Pi. 359 00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:06,720 Kebapi. 360 00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:09,473 - Kebapi. - No, look at mouth. 361 00:16:09,525 --> 00:16:11,108 - Ke... - Ke... 362 00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:12,476 - Ba... - Ba... 363 00:16:12,528 --> 00:16:13,861 - Pi. - Pi. 364 00:16:13,946 --> 00:16:15,145 - Bapi. - Bapi. 365 00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,146 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 366 00:16:16,232 --> 00:16:17,281 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 367 00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:18,160 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 368 00:16:18,212 --> 00:16:19,845 Now you know why you're getting it. 369 00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:21,485 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 370 00:16:21,537 --> 00:16:22,736 - Kebapi. - You got it. 371 00:16:22,822 --> 00:16:24,321 - You finally did it, perfect. - Kebapi. 372 00:16:24,373 --> 00:16:28,209 What is the difference between kebapi and ?evapi? 373 00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,328 But they don't know. 374 00:16:31,413 --> 00:16:32,996 No. 375 00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:34,665 I have to forgive them, right? 376 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:37,168 It does seem they're nice, Abud. 377 00:16:39,922 --> 00:16:42,673 For the bastard mother bitches over there 378 00:16:43,009 --> 00:16:45,092 that are serving the ?evapi... 379 00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:47,177 - Uh-huh. - Put in the grilled meat, 380 00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:50,731 Salt, chopped red pepper, diced onion, 381 00:16:50,816 --> 00:16:54,568 cream, kajmak, ajvar, 382 00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:56,854 then the cottage cheese. 383 00:16:56,906 --> 00:17:00,440 (laughs) 384 00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:01,909 So what-- what do you serve? 385 00:17:01,994 --> 00:17:04,695 We serve the kebapi. 386 00:17:04,747 --> 00:17:08,144 And we put in the cottage cheese, the ajvar, 387 00:17:08,231 --> 00:17:11,201 the kajmak, the cream, you know? 388 00:17:11,253 --> 00:17:13,036 Then it's the diced onions... 389 00:17:13,122 --> 00:17:14,371 It sounds exactly like-- 390 00:17:14,456 --> 00:17:17,674 Chopped pepper, and then grilled meat. 391 00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,259 Then the grilled meat. 392 00:17:20,596 --> 00:17:22,462 And then we stir it. 393 00:17:22,548 --> 00:17:24,515 And across the street, they do-- 394 00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:28,185 Those mother bitches over there, they mix it! 395 00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:30,220 The sons of mother, 396 00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:33,108 mother sons of liar, ay-yi-yi-yi! 397 00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:39,176 (speaking foreign language) 398 00:17:41,066 --> 00:17:42,897 I don't know what that's supposed to mean. 399 00:17:43,214 --> 00:17:45,402 (continue shouting) 400 00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:47,495 - Oh, my God! - I show you! 401 00:17:47,553 --> 00:17:48,635 I'm gonna show you! 402 00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:50,680 We are here. They are there. 403 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,377 We are here, they are there. 404 00:17:52,457 --> 00:17:55,319 Here, there, here, there, here, there, here-- stop. 405 00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:57,880 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 406 00:17:58,063 --> 00:18:01,168 (folk music playing) 407 00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:05,153 - Good decision, my friends. - Yes, yes, yes. 408 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,839 Now it is time for you to try 409 00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:09,755 the real good food, 410 00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:14,104 not what this son of my bitches 411 00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:16,496 serve across the street. 412 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:19,656 - Um, McDonald's? - Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. 413 00:18:19,727 --> 00:18:22,608 Make sure to give us the five stars on Yelp! 414 00:18:31,299 --> 00:18:32,266 Where is he? 415 00:18:33,084 --> 00:18:34,522 - Stanley. - Huh? 416 00:18:36,388 --> 00:18:37,414 What's going on? 417 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,506 Oh, come on, I know you've been cheating on me. 418 00:18:39,591 --> 00:18:40,924 You're being ridiculous. 419 00:18:41,009 --> 00:18:43,426 Andrea, enough is enough. 420 00:18:43,676 --> 00:18:45,752 I know you have been fucking 421 00:18:45,784 --> 00:18:47,826 a dog behind my back. 422 00:18:47,899 --> 00:18:48,985 What? 423 00:18:49,684 --> 00:18:51,601 A dog? A dog? 424 00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:53,069 That is insane. 425 00:18:53,104 --> 00:18:56,421 Then why did I find this in the laundry room, huh? 426 00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:58,992 (dog barks in the distance) 427 00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:01,661 Oh, my God, he's here right now, isn't he? 428 00:19:01,746 --> 00:19:04,105 He's in my house right now! 429 00:19:04,181 --> 00:19:05,582 Wait, Stanley, no! Wait! 430 00:19:05,617 --> 00:19:08,869 (growling) 431 00:19:08,955 --> 00:19:11,005 It was you! 432 00:19:11,256 --> 00:19:12,205 (screaming and struggling) 433 00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,456 (gasps) 434 00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,041 You s-- Ow! What ha-- 435 00:19:15,126 --> 00:19:15,959 Aah! (dog yipping) 436 00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:18,127 (growling) 437 00:19:18,213 --> 00:19:20,096 (exclaiming) 438 00:19:20,131 --> 00:19:22,348 Aah! 439 00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:25,768 (screaming) 440 00:19:25,804 --> 00:19:26,803 (dog growling) 441 00:19:26,855 --> 00:19:28,938 (grunting) 442 00:19:30,976 --> 00:19:32,075 (mouthing inaudibly) Go. 443 00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:38,738 Come here. 444 00:19:51,351 --> 00:19:52,789 Oh. 445 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,793 I see. 446 00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:00,751 You... 447 00:20:02,321 --> 00:20:03,938 need to know... 448 00:20:05,574 --> 00:20:09,159 your dog ruined a ten-year marriage. 449 00:20:09,347 --> 00:20:12,613 (dog whimpers) 450 00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:15,985 And you can go to hell. 451 00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:25,498 No, he's cute, he's cute. I can see why you like him. 452 00:20:30,427 --> 00:20:31,951 Who was the first girl you kissed? 453 00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:34,287 - You got to know that. - First girl I kissed? 454 00:20:34,372 --> 00:20:36,001 I shouldn't ask names. I just don't want to-- 455 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,341 No, it was, it was, it was-- I was, like, five. 456 00:20:38,376 --> 00:20:41,761 She was six. It was crazy. 457 00:20:41,846 --> 00:20:45,381 - Turbulent relationship? - It was moving too fast. 458 00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:47,767 - I ended up with cooties. - Oh, no. 459 00:20:47,852 --> 00:20:49,185 - It was terminal. - Oh, boy. 460 00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:50,603 Still have it. 461 00:20:50,689 --> 00:20:53,097 I'm fighting a sustained cooties infection. 462 00:20:53,159 --> 00:20:54,559 Infection, yeah. 463 00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:56,583 I'm gonna do my one line here 464 00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:58,356 Oh, yeah! 465 00:20:58,404 --> 00:21:00,744 Sync and corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 466 00:21:01,187 --> 00:21:02,362 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 467 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,314 - Kebapi. - Kebapi! 468 00:21:03,314 --> 00:21:04,420 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 469 00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:05,577 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 470 00:21:05,577 --> 00:21:07,577 - Kebapi. - As closer for you to do it. 471 00:21:07,577 --> 00:21:08,650 - (both) Kebapi. - Kebapi. 472 00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,651 - Kerbati. It's kebapi. - Kebapi. 473 00:21:10,651 --> 00:21:11,568 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 474 00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:13,123 - Kebapi. - Kebapi. 475 00:21:14,508 --> 00:21:15,517 (both) Kebapi. 476 00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:20,117 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0